visited my grandfather on thursday.. to me.. hes as healthy as a normal person.. he is living happily.. bought hes favourite chicken pao for him and grandma.. donuts for my cousins.. he still doesnt knw tat he had got cancer.. he is really fine... but he kept coughing.. he will be sure to find out tat he got cancer nxt wk.. i realy hope tat time can freeze here.. plS.. FREEZE IT.. the treatment tat hes gonna undergo cant cure his cancer.. but only extend his time on earth.. such a tough treatment..w/o treatment.. he would only have 3-6mths.. can an old man lyk him take it? can he? a such an old age.. he had to undergo such torture.. WHY! why must it be him? why? tell me.. y.. i really cant imagine wat will happen if he know.. & my grandma? as much as i no her.. she will 100% breakdown.. i am a joker to all of my friends.. true.. i love to cr8 jokes.. laugh ard wif friends.. but sometyms.. i love to be alone... thinking bout the past.. thinking bout last time when i was in kindegarden.. i lived wif my grandparents.. they dote on me.. give me everythink i want.. my grandfather will send & fetch me to and frm sch.. will buy chocolate for me without fail.. now.. can i buy chocolate for you? accidentally found my aunt's blog.. tears dropped while i was reading her blog.. other den taking care of her 3kids.. she still have to wry about my grandfather illness.. and she had to hide her emotions frm them..
extracted frm her blog
why must things turn out like that? why must I always be the first one to receive such news and bear the brunt? why? When I reached dad's ward this afternoon, he looked perfectly healthy, chatting 'intimately' with mum. That's such a rare sight, I told myself. Since the day I understand things, they've rarely spoken so nicely and softly to each other. Altho not at war with each other, they're always squabbling. I felt so warm and happy for them.As usual, Dad 'reported' his routines today and told me enthusiastically about how fast the CT scan was done this afternoon. Then he passed a card to me and told me the nurse wants to speak to me. Went to the nursing station, but the station nurse/clinician was off duty and I was to call her tomorrow. Went back to chat and joke with dad and mum.About an hour later, the senior doctor came for his round with 2 housemen. Felt quite puzzled when they 'skipped' dad and went on to the other patients in the same room. Later one of the houseman approached me and asked my relationship with dad. After clarifying that, he took me to the corridor outside the room. He broke the most devastating news....they've traced down dad's biopsy report and it showed cancerous cells in the lymph nodes on his neck! They suspect the cancer is in the tumor in his lung and had spread to his lymph nodes........Now I know how it feels like. The feeling of yr heart being wrenched out of yr chest and you're left to bleed... And what's worst? I've to contain every pain within and cannot show a single sign of it on my face. Dad and mum were watching me as they spoke to me. any change on my face is gonna raise tons of questions fm them. No, I'm not ready to break the news to them. I dunno how to tell them, and I dunno how to handle what'll come next, and I cant handle both their emotions on my own. Especially for mum, she'll get hysterical and will definitely affect dad a lot. Got to break the news to her separately.... So much was rushing thru my brain while the doctor continued to explain what they've arranged with the cancer dept, sending a specialist over to look thru the reports, examine my dad and determine whether further test is needed and what's next.I took a deep breath and walked towards dad. Smiled and told him that doctor said there's some abnormalities in his lymph nodes. So they're getting the tumor specialist to see him to determine what other tests is required to investigate further. I dunno what else to say, but just pretended there's nothing serious and continued to hide behind my magazine. But I sensed that his face sunk when I mentioned abnormalities. He's smart and he's never someone who lives in denial. So I'm quite sure he's sensed something but continued to remain silent. That pains me even more.When we left, I walked thru 3 blocks to get the car while mum waited at the lobby. I couldn't control anymore and sobbed the whole way. Why must this happen to dad? Why this time? He just lost his cousin to cancer earlier this year, it's gonna be a blow to him. How is he gonna take it? I'm so scared. I'm so afraid. How to put it across to him? How? How? How?Then it's mum. How to tell her? How to ask her to be strong for dad? Even when she had gall stones, it was like doom's day to her already. Now we're talking about cancer! How will she take it? How will she be able to remain strong for dad? How? How? How?
最后她说了一件，我们从来没有考虑到的事。她要我们照顾爸的同时，也必须时刻注意妈妈的心理和身理健康。她说，很多感情密切、生活互相依赖、社交圈子又小的夫妻，当一个伴侣病逝后，另一个很可能因为失去精神支柱，而在1-2年内随之而去！！好可怕！我们真的没有想到这点！爸妈虽常拌嘴，但近几年来他们做什么都是相伴着的，想起来真得很心酸！
aft reading this.. i felt scare & afraid.. sry tat this is in chinese.. i'm going to lose my grandfather.. NO WAY U ARE TAKING MY GRANDMA AWAY..
